Ugly Moments

Ever have one of those days? Ever have it seven days in a row?

Have you ever been in a grumpy funk without being able to say exactly why (because maybe its everything)?

Oh yeah, that's what's up today.

I have a habit of letting little things pile up. Like the fact that I have cleaned the living room twice already and it looks like it just exploded. These annoyances have a habit of sticking together in my mind to create one big  "my life is about to self destruct" moment.

The problem worsens when I choose to take it out on everyone else. I am short with my friends, I blame my husband, or maybe I let Elina watch Baby Einstein on repeat rather than dealing with her. At times like these I feel like some sort of stress monster, spewing negative attitude without control. 

Yeah, I am quite the monster today. So when I went to write the post I had been preparing that was sure to be chock full of warm feelings and snuggly pictures, it just didn't feel real. 

I don't want to write what isn't real. If I want to share my life, I am going to have to be willing to share every side of it. 

Life is not about stringing together your good moments and shoving hurt or anger behind the couch. Life is the good and the bad. I feel both emotions hard. When I am happy I basically dance around my house like a dummy. When I am upset I write terrible, depressing poetry and then burn it (okay I only burned a poem once, long story). 

We have to experience the hard things to grow. We need to stand on the mountains to realize that growth. Life is both sun and shadow, and together they tell a story, they take on meaning. 

I am really not sure if today will be redeemed, but I am promising myself not to banish Elina to the television when she wakes up from her nap. I will let myself feel the stress, but I will also make solutions for it. When I talk to my husband, I will admit that I was a jerk. I am not cleaning the living room again today, though. That's where I draw the line. 

Let's be more honest about our bad days. If we all admitted some of the junk that we are dealing with, we would realize that we are not alone. We would see how many people are going through the same things, and realize, "It's going to be okay." 

Bad days don't last forever, and those around me are so good at forgiving my bad moods. So, despite my frustration, I still have a lot to be thankful for.