Losing Control

This week has put my life in a near tailspin.

No, there were not any huge tragedies or accidents. Rather, I watched strange things challenge my calm.

I will save you a play-by-play and go right to the highlights.

I committed to doing the 31 for 21 challenge for October. Three days this week I laid in bed and thought about how I had failed. I worried what people in the down syndrome community would think about me. 31 for 21 is not supposed to be about not missing any days, but about raising awareness- I let myself forget that.

Last night I decided to put on a new bumper sticker on the car before our trip to Colorado. The car we have was originally my mom's, and it still had the "Will Work For Peace" sticker on the bumper to prove it. I am all for peace, but I decided that a "Hogwarts Alumni" sticker was just more us. Last night, I put the sticker on sideways. There was no getting it off, and I flipped out. I annoyed Mikey to his limit by asking if I should get a new bumper sticker to cover the crookedness, and by telling him I was just going to take it off.

The sticker was sideways. There was nothing I could do about it. My perfectionism reared its scary head.

The cherry on top of this week though, occurred just a few hours ago. We were about 200 miles from home when I realized my phone was nowhere to be found. It got left behind in the shuffle. I thought Mikey had it, he thought I had it. So we were phone-less. Again, not a huge deal, right? Oh no. I started worrying and fearing about all that would go wrong without my phone.

It is little things like these that can drive me crazy. These are things out of my control.

When life doesn't go as planned, I become a sassier, less attentive, pessimistic person. I worry about what everyone and their facebook friends will think about me. Its got to stop. So, I decided to take this all as a test. It is an opportunity to really look at myself and put my priorities in check.

If I miss "important" messages, will my life end? If everyone at stop lights notice my leaning bumper sticker, will it make my quality of life plummet? I am supposed to be on vacation, resting with my husband and baby. If I let tiny worries drag me down, then I am missing the point.

God, I don't want to miss the point. I need you to give me peace about all the things that I can't control. Would you calm my heart and bring me back to what matters?